| wow |
[Oct. 19th, 2004|11:57 am] |
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wow.. haven't beenhere in a while, I forgot my password, but i'm back, think i'm goingto use this more, I got lotta feelings to let out and need somewhere to do it.. but right now- gotta run to a showcase meeting. |
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| Should I stay or should I go now? |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|03:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | What ever song is next on my ipod | ] |
Why can't it ever just be good. I'm 21 and i've never really had a long term relationship. After this much time you start to think: Could it be me? in all my confusion I still like jamie, dinner was nice, but a bit akward, me trying to let me lead the way me trying to not sound like I like him to much. I think he went back to N.O. but who knows hehasn't called. Tonight is chris's b-day. That should be excitig, but to be honest, I'm not even that excited about that because I have to goto rehearsal first. I'm just bored with life right now, when jamie was in it it was at least exciting, well at least my sex life was....I haven't written in this journal forever. I guess i'll start up again, not that any reads it, I will still do it for myself...... Right now.... Life sucks. but what can you do execpt wait it out. right? |
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| Who know |
[Dec. 14th, 2003|02:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
i wrote badger the letter but who knows if he will wwrite back, most likely, not....
Tonight she turns her head away
for the last time from his
petrified eyes
It's easier tto run she explains
as she's tripping halfway
from here tto the rest.
tear burns the satly path
of her tortuous travels
On and among her rampant emotions
lies a lust for feeling in return
She cuts another apple from the tree,
Shiny and red, but turn it over and the one is bruised
She examines the brown and rotting core, which is
nourishment and vitality for the flies
She throws it tto the ground
in disgust, but quickly snatches
it up again and takes a bite
In innocent hunger she devours
the handout, bruised and ffly bitten
Crimson annd shiny
Away again she falters, each step
on unfamiliar hands. |
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| Love Actually |
[Dec. 10th, 2003|10:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | All I want for christmas is you (I dunno who by) | ] |
So- the movie was great, but if anything it told me that anything can happen, but that only is, if you let it, or make it, if you run after than person and tell them you love them, or confront. It was such a beautiful story, not all the relationships ended happily( for once) but everything was.. good. I really love this movie. It also said, it's not over, til it's over. And god I know this is annoying but, I'm not over badger, well I mean in that sense.... And, when I was actually dating him I wasn't able to really say this out loud because it is such a scary thing for people( for some reason) but I am completely, in love with him. I just am, I know I am because otherwise I would care if he left. Now heres the deilmma, should I or should I not tell him, I mean we aren't together and by telling him I am not hoping to get anything in return. I am too big of a sissy to do it, but a girl can dream right? Maybe it's just not badger, maybe all I really want for christmas is.... love? |
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| ummm.. destiny.... |
[Dec. 9th, 2003|09:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry, very hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Watching tv, no music, celebrity poker oh yea | ] |
Remember when I said I felt that something big was coming........... well... it hasn't happened yet... execpt for the fact that I ended everything with Badger but other than that.. nothing big at all, life sucks and i'm hungry, very hungry, I'm doing the master cleanse diet, and i'm fuckkiinngg hungry....... ahhhhhh killllll meeee plleeaaassseeee |
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| smaller bed.. just for me |
[Nov. 28th, 2003|12:05 am] |
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So it's totally over.... haven't even spoken... I do have my bad days, when I miss him, but I also have good days when I know I did what is right..I am just lonely..I would like.. someone.. in my life. I dunno who knows what will happen but if I get put in Mud then.. believe u me, it's meant to me! |
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| I am going slightly mad... |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|10:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kissing jessica stein soundtrack | ] |
no, not really but I do have finger bruise on my leg from crazy drunk sex the other night.. not that anyone who is reading this wants to know that, but i'm just stating the facts here. I know my live journal is a mix between a soap and a porno( a bad one at that) but this is the only place I wriote really whether people see it or not, I get to release what I am feeling. Ok- so I usually only talk about badger but i'm sure something big is going to happen to me soon I can just feel it coming, something exciting and new.... I swear I can really feel it coming... hehe.. ok, to bed have classes and a show every night of the week, ahhh( if life couldn't get any more hecktic ugh). Ann where r u you haven't called or wrote or anything r u ok? please call soon |
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| Redcat and more |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|06:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nada | ] |
yesterady was the opening of the redcat, the night before that my show opened. It's amazing how feelings can change one minute I like badger the next..I just don't..I invited him, not as anything more than a friend out to watergrill, but he never called me back, the fourth resveration was for chris but chris could not make it.I have to get ready for dinner but redcat was amazing I wore an amazing black dress and heels right as I was leaving he finally came over and told me I looked pretty, then asked if I was leaving when I said yes he acted weiurd like he wanteed to spend the night with me, but he had to stay for another half hour. I wouldn't have anyway we did some crazy stuff the night before..I was realy drunk and one thing lead to another I'm pretty sure there wsa a shower involved tho. anyway i'm kinda hurt he didn't call back to even say that he didn't want to go . oh well.... |
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| Addicted to you.... |
[Nov. 14th, 2003|12:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
So I am not addict to drinking, i'm noy addixted to drugs either. I am addicted to my friend Badger. I out him all the time, think about him all the time and after spending ever day since mondat together( sleeping at eachothers houses ect, no physical stuff) I find myself left with an empty feeling in my stomach,I just love hanging out with him, spending time with him laughing, cuddling with him and to not have that, even if it just one night I feel like crying.. what is going on..i'm so confused..I can't believe I put myself in this postion again... should I talk to him? should I try to explain and tell him how I feel again, then I just wind up getting hurt again! help me help me help me!!! |
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| Whatever, whenever |
[Nov. 11th, 2003|02:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "C'est sera sera" | ] |
Up til 5:30...
finished off 3 40's with him...
drunk... well somewhatdrunk...
bed way to small for two.. must invest in bigger bed( reminder)
stayed laying there until 10:30, didn't wantto get up..
he wanted more.. physical action..I could " feel" it in my butt..I mean gut.
holds me like he loves me...I no longer love him.. of this i'm certain.
he knows he just won't admit it, the truth is better than hiding.
went and got coffee, very breeze out, but nice. Walked it. he ate a hot dog with everything for breakfest? Went out with chris, my real love, soup plantaion!!!
Tonight... first audience arrives to see me and my wood...en... pup..pets... uh-oh.
my brain has stopped working, still hung over.. stpo the world I want to get off... now.. |
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cherrypitts's journal